Stories and Tales some fiction some fact some funny

some serious.

Today is the 9th of June. 2017

I think today's Election result is telling Parliament that none of them are trusted to run our Country and all of them need to get their act together.............


Bailiffs attack an-englisghmanshome. February 12th 2016. 


Bombed 1940.


Georgina Key, The Story of a War Hero.


33 miners in Chile. 14th October 2010.

It is not often you get good news on the telly, but today was different. 33 miners who have been trapped underground for several months were brought safely to the surface to the delight of all their family and friends. This is fantastic news and a credit to all who assisted in their saviour.


Earthquake.

At 12.58 am on the 27th of February 2008, for the very first time we experienced the effects of an Earthquake, at the time we did not know it was an Earthquake, we though it was burglars or an explosion of some sort and it was very windy and noisy outside, here is a short story about this quite scary moment.

Me and the wife sleep in the attic, on one side is the bedroom and on the other is a computer room with hundreds of old books on shelves and a velux roof window of which we can see through to the night sky when in bed. I was half asleep and our lass was watching holby city on the telly.

I was dreaming that all the MP's in Parliament had been sacked and were exiled to Bradford for five years to live and made to sign on the dole every week, it was one of the best dreams I had experienced for a long while, it got to a part on a monday morning where all of the people of Bradford were out on the streets watching and cheering as the M.P.s arrived to sign on for the first time at the dole office in Nelson Street.

I remember stood on the corner of the road smiling and thinking that the country could run itself better on it's own without those lot. All the MP's were looking glum and dissalusioned, reporters were asking them daft questions like, "Will you be using your Jaguar to sign on?" or  "Have you applied for a rate rebate?".

At 9.00am the City Hall clock started to chime and the door of the dole shop opened to let the first one in, funilly enough it was the Prime Minister who was the first to go in, unfortunately he slipped and fell over his ego as he went through the door, everyone in Bradford laughed at the spectacle. As the last one went in there was an allmighty rumble and the Earth shook violently, a chimney stack had broke loose and was heading straight for me, I looked up and put my arms out to protect me from the debris, I heard a voice, "Albut, Albut! the bed is moving." I awoke to witness a loud noise coming from outside and another sound of something falling coming from the computer room, I shot up half awake and looked around thinking something might have fallen off the roof, it was very windy outside,  our lass was looking a bit worried, I went downstairs and outside to see if I could find what caused the noise but could not see anything, I came back in and looked in the computer room and found a large old Bible had fallen off the shelf onto the floor. I went back to bed and said to our lass, "It must be mice they are getting bigger every year." and went back to my dream.

At 6.30 am, we saw on the telly that it was a genuinne Earthquake, epicentre was in Market Rasen and 5.3 on the richter scale.


Smoking

Have you ever noticed in modern films they always have at least one person who smokes like a chimney and they are always focusing on them inhaling the smoke. It must be some form of advertising. Lets take the film Hellboy for example. The Hero and his boss both smoke Cigars. The Boss tells the Hero that it is better to light the Cigar with a match, the hero lights is Cigar with the match that his Boss gives him, then they both agree it is better to light a Cigar with a match. The Hero thanks The Boss and they both enjoy those precious advertising seconds puffing on the Cigar.

Then there is the Film called Constantine which is a story about hell and the devil. The hero starts smoking from the very beginning and has a fag in his mouth throughout. He is told he has cancer but somehow the devil gets rid of it for him.  [to be continued]


Ghostly.

Me and my mum had been to bingo, when it finished we set off home down Manchester road.

We called at the fish shop for fish and chip's. We chatted on the way down towards the snicket  where we were going to walk up, neither of us liked walking up that snicket - even during the day never mind at night. It was a long and winding path, set in between rows of thick privets on either side. Only the odd street lamp actually works, when we arrived at the bottom of the path we looked up as far as we could to make sure no one was up there. We did not like walking up this snicket Eventually when our courage had built up we started walking up, we were still eating our fish and chips. We managed to get half way, when I saw a figure in the distance coming down the path, I said to my mum "somebody's coming", she said "yes I can see them, stay close to me", the air was slightly misty and the figure looked strange as it got closer to us, closer and closer he came and I started shaking like a leaf. I could not see the person clearly yet, but something was not right. My mother grabbed old of my hand we could see the figure clearly now, both of us screamed out loud and froze to the spot dropping our fish and chips. It was the figure of a man - an old man with strange clothes, as if he was from the past. But the most frightening thing was he had no Head, it was a Ghost of a man with no head. We held each other ever so tight and felt the sheer drop in temperature as he slowly went passed us. We could not move and trembled with fear till he got well down the path, we ran all the way home leaving our half eaten fish and chips on the floor. Nobody believed us when we told them about the headless man. But take it from me, it really happened and we never went that way again.  

Fin   Guest Story


Funny.

I was walking down the village high street and noticed two builders talking to two girls aged about 20, the builders were laughing and poking fun at the girls. The girls ignored the builders and carried on down the road. After receiving more remarks, both girls pulled their pants down [at the same time] and showed their bare arse's to the builders. The whole high street erupted into a roar of laughter, "kiss my arse" said one, the other just laughed. Both went on their way down the road. It was the funniest thing I have seen for ages. Well done girls you showed those hairy arsed builders a thing or two.  

Fin  Guest Story


Some people say there is a ghostly image in this chair.


Ghostly.

I went to my local working men's club for a game of dominoes and a pint, it was a Friday night and the club was busy, it was not far from my home about five minutes [walking steady]. I was winning at five's and three's when the club phone rang at about 9.30pm [it was for me]. I went to the phone and my wife was screaming on the other end of the phone. "There is somebody or something in the house" she shouted, "come home quick"." I can't  I'm playing dominoes and winning" I said, "you better get up here quick because Louise is in bed and there is something in the house". "ok I am on my way". I said to the lads "got to go see you later". I left all my money and cigs on the table and set off running home, it took about three minutes to get there. I opened the door my wife was in the porch trembling and looking through the glass door into the front room, "what's up love"? " I was asleep on the couch when I heard something and woke up I saw a cloud of smoke come under the door and it took the shape of a man and came towards me, I ran in here and phoned the club for you, I dare not go back in". So I picked up a piece of wood from the top of the cellar and opened the front room door, we both went in together, nothing was there, she said "go upstairs and check on Louise", "come with me" I said, "no I dare not" she said, so I went up to the loft to check on Louise by myself. Louise was sound asleep and ok but the room was extremely cold and eerie and I got shiver's down my spine I did not see anything but could sense something there, I went back downstairs and could not believe my  eyes the door to the front room at the bottom of the stair's was bolted, nobody could have locked that door but me or Louise and I know it was not Louise because she was only two and was fast asleep in bed and it definitely was not me. we could not sleep that night thinking about it. I did not go out on my own for a long while. To this day I do not know how that door got locked.   

Fin   Albutross


There definitely is a ghostly image in this chair, it is a picture taken  by accident on holiday. 


Funny.

I worked in a aluminium slitting factory slitting aluminium coil into strips. It was about 10.30am and there were four of us hard at work, each had a desk at the side of their slitting machine that was used to fasten the finished product up and also to do the relative paperwork, all the other three plant operators were closer to the office door than me and the one nearest the office had a large pair of steel stilsons resting against his desk, they were stood up on their end, they were about three foot long [0ne metre] and very heavy. I could see the manager coming out of the office and heading our way, I told the lads that Mogadon was on his way and we all got our heads down into our work, when he arrived he went to the first desk and said to the operator "Good morning" the operator replied "Good morning" "how is that order going for pratts" he said. "It had better be ready for tonight or heads will roll". "It will be" came the reply. The operator switched his machine back on. We were all looking at them out of the corner of our eyes wondering who Mogadon will annoy next. The machine that had just been turned on started to make funny noises and the manager asked the operator, "what's up with that" "its overworked and underpaid like me" came the reply. "I will get someone to look at it" said the manager, he moved nearer to the stilsons that were propped up on to the desk as the slitting machine started to vibrate more violently and the floor started shaking. The stilsons started to fall towards the managers foot nobody could have stopped them, it happened in a split second, he let out such an almighty screech as the stilsons made contact with his right foot and squashed his big toe. "who the fookin  hell put them there" he shouted. We all looked round to get a proper view of the hapless victim of pure funniness. "don't know boss" we all shouted in unison, at the same time keeping our faces straight, trying desperately hard not to laugh. He knew he would not get a proper answer and even if we knew who put them there we would not tell him. He was in a lot of pain and caressing his toes with his shoe off. we just carried on working as if nothing had happened he was furious and set off towards his office limping. As soon as he was out of the warehouse we all burst out laughing, the tear's were streaming down all our faces, "I have never seen anything so funny" I said to the lads, "no we haven't" they replied. "did you see his face" "it was blood red" "he was furious" we all laughed and laughed all day, even the office staff had a laugh because he tried to get some sympathy off them. The moral of this story is treat your workforce with dignity and respect and they will do the same to you.    

Fin   Albut Ross


Honesty.

I was brought up to speak the truth and be honest, and was always under the impression that to speak the truth is the only way to be. Recent events in my life have taught me that when people hear the truth they cannot accept it and the truth causes more upset then telling lies. So from now on my outlook on life will change for the benefit of those human beings that cannot cope with the truth.

I will not tell them anything, regardless of what they ask me and they can all get stuffed, because I was brought up to be honest and truthful and that is the way I will stay.  

 Fin  Albut Ross


Reality.

Three million years ago a Space ship landed on the Planet Earth, the occupants mission was to explore planets and plant seeds of humankind to see how they grow. This is how Humans were first established on this Planet, Unfortunately things did not turn out as well as the aliens from Purfectus had planned. Their planet was a beautiful place with no Violence and no hate and no pollution and they were hoping that Earth would turn out the same as Purfectus. When the Purfectusion's come back  to investigate Earth, they will not be happy and will destroy their Frankenstein creation.                                         

Fin  Guest Story


Taking advantage

we saw an advert on a parcel that someone had delivered to their home. It said on the side that the company that delivered the parcel were looking for couriers to deliver parcels in our area. As the Househusbands were out of work and money was short in supply we decided to try and get the couriers job.

Well we managed to get the job and we were told we would get 30p for delivering a parcel and 40p for picking one up. We would also get 30p for delivering catalogues.

We have been doing it for 5 weeks now and so far we have managed to increase our earnings from 1.27p per hour to 1.49p per hour. The reason our hourly rate has gone up is due to the fact we have learned the route and have planned it more efficiently.

we are not going to complain too much about this given situation, but it all boils down to Governments again.

We have these questions to ask the Government.

1. Why are you allowing Company's to take advantage of vulnerable people in our society?

2. Is there really a minimum wage or is it just another piece of Government Bullshit?

3. Do you intend to destroy the English way of life all together?

We have to pay our own tax and pay for petrol and pay for extra insurance on the car and  if we have time off for going to the psychiatrists we have to organise someone to do the round for us. Who are the Mug's???........ Yes you guessed it.  us


Kids. A short story about the things kids say. 

I walked into the shop at the top of Beckhill. It was called Wilf Rhodes greengrocers. A young lad was at the counter and Wilf was asking him what he wanted.

"I cannot remember what mum sent me down for" said the lad.

"Was it washing powder? asked wilf.

"No" said the lad.

"Was it soap? asked Wilf.

"No" said the lad.

"Was it bread? asked Wilf.

"No" said the lad.

Wilf was getting a bit flustered.

"Well what was your mum doing when she asked you to go to the shop?" asked Wilf.

"She was peeing in a bucket" shouted the lad.

Wilf burst out laughing and told the lad to go home and ask his mum what she wanted. All the people in the shop were also laughing. If the lads mum only knew what he'd said she would curl up with embarrassment.

Guest Story by a 76 year old lady.


Hey up, I found a dentist.  Dentist story.


A true story about   Skin Cancer


coming soon    Story about safety at work         Safety -Is it just a word-


A Story of Cruel Government, Cruel Employers and    A Brave Soldier


A story of the evil trade of Human Trafficking         Get to England


A Story about Policemen   He has no Tax on his Car


The Family pet in distress A West Highland Terrier    Charlie     


An old story about the Titanic printed in the year 1912.  The Titanic.


A change of mind.


I ham a Poet and eye did not know it.


Voluntary Work. click here to see a story about an Illustrator [Artist] who voluteered to decorate a Hospital Ward for Christmas 2009.


The offcial rules for Rounders 1955


Men Only in the 1950s


Fanny, British or American. put on here 2017.


Blighty


The Flying Lady TV series filmed near our House 1986.


House Map 

Porch

Lounge

Dining Room

Kitchen

The Library

upstairs

Landing

Toilet

Laundry Room

Bathroom

Master

Perisher

Mufflers room

Albutross

Closet

Jokes and funny things

Garage

Stories and Tales some fiction some fact

Loft

Chimney

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